Week 14–How Black Friday Put Me Back On Track

[This article was first published as Week 14–How Black Friday Put Me Back On Track on Technorati.]

Like most Americans, I allowed myself license to fall off the diet bandwagon and consumed mass quantities of food over Thanksgiving. 

And just like Turkey, Texas, I pretty much rejected any ideas of substituting tofu for my turkey. No siree, Missy. No tofu here.

And although I fell from grace on Thanksgiving, Black Friday provided a redemption of sorts, setting me back on the righteous diet track. Let me explain. 

Black Friday found me at the mall as a willing participant in helping with that  7 percent increase in spending over last year's post-turkey day shopping spree.

So there I was enticed into a Betsey Johnson store by a pink 40 percent off everything sign. Within minutes, I was standing with a few gift items in line behind a woman who was one and half times the size of me. 

She was bemoaning to the sales woman (who was probably 60 percent younger than me and 60 percent smaller than me) as to why designer Betsey Johnson didn't make clothes for "larger" sized women.

I wanted to say, "Oh, you mean FAT women," but I stopped myself and resisted the sudden urge to randomly poll shoppers asking, "Does anyone remotely think squeezing a plus-size woman into one of Betsey's dresses is a good idea? Anyone? Anyone at all?"

And that fellow shoppers didn't even begin to address the age factor. While I tend to agree you are only as old as you feel, I also believe that age does have certain limitations. While I would love to be able to fit into my daughter's clothes, I really don't think wearing them would be a good idea.

It was sort of like that moment a few weeks ago when my youngest daughter called to tell me that Modest Mouse was finally coming to Texas. And I said, "Oh, I wish I could go, but I guess I'm too old…"

Which was followed by a moment of silence instead of an invitation to the concert.

I get it. I really do. Sometimes I forget I'm part of that 50-plus set.

Which is why I will never see Modest Mouse or wear one of those funky, fabulous Betsey Johnson dresses. 

Still, the thought that one day I could fit into one of those funky, fabulous Betsey Johnson dresses if I stay the course on my Frying-In-My-Own-Fat Weight Loss Challenge put me right back on track.

Who knows, maybe I'll even actually buy one of those fabulously, funky Betsey Johnson dresses. You know, I could wear it around the house while belting out my repertoire of my favorite Modest Mouse tunes.

So Betsey, stay the course. Don't design for the larger crowd. Be my inspiration, and I promise I'll hop back on the scale next week a pound lighter and singing "Fire it up!"

And who knows, maybe next Black Friday I'll try on one of those funky, fabulous dresses. 

Week 13 Update: When Your Fat Fanny Becomes A National Security Issue

[This article was first published as Week 13–When Your Fat Fanny Becomes A National Security Issue on Technorati.]

I started up yoga again after a two and half week exercise hiatus caused by my sprained ankle.

Make no mistake though, the pain remains fairly unabated. I just figured I could exercise and have pain, or I could lounge on the couch and have pain.

I can't tell you how much I would have preferred the latter, but since I was having to adjust my food intake to compensate for my lack of mobility, my food options were resembling my shoe options--slim to none.

 So I opted to go back to yoga instead. As long as I stayed clear of those one legged poses and stuff like that dancer pose, I was fine. (OK, so maybe I never could do those twisty things, but at least I have an excuse now.)

Speaking of excuses,  I saw where  Congress decided to push a less than nutritional school lunch fare safeguarding pizza and french fries and allowing two tablespoons of tomato paste to continue to count as a vegetable.

Even some retired generals and admirals from a group called Mission: Readiness have weighed in, calling the lack of nutrition in school lunches a national security issue. Apparently one in four kids are  too fat to join the military.

“This is a tragedy for the country,” said retired four-star Air Force General Richard E. Hawley, who is a member of Mission: Readiness. “We are taking a step backward apparently in response to pressure from groups who see it in their interest to serve junk food in our schools.”

Hawley said America’s obesity epidemic is a threat to national security.

It's a good thing my age disqualifies me for military service. Otherwise, my fat fanny could be a national security issue, too. Because despite being another 1.4 pounds lighter this week, I'm still too fat for military service.

Slowly, but surely though, my weight is coming off, but I'm not eating pizza and french fries or counting tomato paste as a vegetable either.

Is Anyone Really Out There? Week 12 Update--There Ain't No Cheese With This Whine

[This article was first published as Week 12 Update–There Ain't No Cheese With This Whine on Technorati.]

Let's just hang it all out there today. This is an old-fashion, full-blown, 5-alarm whinefest, and I'm not talking about the red-stuff-in-a-crystal-glass-kind either. No siree, Missy.

And since I'm still trying to lose weight, there ain't gonna be any cheese with this whine either. 

When I decided to be Ninja teacher at the start of the school year and fly  under the radar who knew just how invisible I would become?

I figured that perhaps if I kept my big fat mouth shut I'd stay out of trouble, and, if my big fat mouth stayed shut most of the time, as an added bonus, I might lose some weight, too. Toss in the whole "I'm Frying In My Own Fat Weight Loss Challenge" thing, and I figured it was a win/win of sorts.

Instead, this Ninja thing forced me to wonder rather Pink Floyd-like "Is anyone really out there?"

I thought by blogging about my weight loss struggles, there might be a word or two of encouragement from others. I thought perhaps readers might even offer up a tip or two. Or Dr. Oz would offer up some help. OK, so maybe not Dr. Oz, but you get it.

Something.

Anything.

But in the past 13 weeks I have been at this and despite being retweeted by a fair number, I've received only one brief note of encouragement.

One.

As in uno.

As in one more than none.

Does that mean that people retweet with abandon, but never actually read the stuff they toss down the Internet?

Or perhaps it's this Ninja thing. See how invisible I have become? 

At least I managed to become a half pound more invisible this past week, bringing my total weight loss to 10 pounds. And yes, I realize that I probably could have lost that half a pound just by sneezing. And, yes, I worry about gaining weight over the holiday season.

But I have other, more pressing worries. I became even more disheartened this week. As I entered Week Two of being sidelined by my sprained ankle and unable to exercise, I still had people come up to me and ask how I injured myself. Questions from people, you know, who claimed to read these things.

Which, again makes me ponder, "Is anyone really out there?"

If you are, do you think that perhaps you could bring some cheese for this whine?

Frying In My Own Fat Weight Loss Challenge Update Week 11–New Calorie Counting App on the Horizon

[This article was first published as Week 11–New Calorie Counting App on the Horizon on Technorati.]

Unfortunately all of Week 11 of the Frying in My Own Fat Weight Loss Challenge was spent recuperating from what I now refer to as my "Mike Napoli World Series Incident."

Napoli, as you may recall, injured his ankle in Game 6 of the World Series. I injured my ankle after Game 6. The similarities of our lives pretty much stops there.
So this week left me sidelined with my foot propped up, a bag of ice and the new owner of one very unfashionable black boot. All of that meant, no exercise. No exercise translates into eating less. Eating less translates into grumpy.

And all of the above translates into no weight loss. But at least, there was no weight gain either.

With this extra couch potato time, I spent more time reading and searching for tips on losing weight or new stuff related to losing weight. It seems there's a new app on the horizon for counting calories called PlateMate.

Here's how it works: You put food on your plate. Take a photo of it and send it off for analysis.

According to articles which appeared in the Boston Globe and the New York Times,  "PlateMate uses a more complex crowd-sourcing tool, involving sets of individuals — getting small payments to analyze photos on a website — who analyze parts of the food photo, with some identifying the food and others estimating portion sizes. The trick is to have five individuals estimating portion sizes on each plate and then averaging those guesses."

Supposedly, all of this gives a fairly accurate count of calories. Of course, one dietitian who was interviewed pointed out, “You can look at a photo of a quiche and have no idea what’s really in it. Is it made with regular cheese or low-fat? Skim milk or whole milk? You’ll only be getting a guesstimate of calories.”

She's got a point. Still, I'm looking forward to PlateMate which is suppose to be available sometime this year.

I'd love to be able to try it, but in addition to being stuck with a sore ankle and an very unfashionable black boot, I am also stuck with a dumb phone until my phone carrier decides to give me an upgrade.

I bet Mike Napoli doesn't have that problem either.