Week 17--Treat Your Holiday Calories Like Your Credit Card

[This article was first published as Treat Holiday Calories Like Your Credit Card on Technorati.]

Not only did I manage to wear my "skinny" jeans again this week proving to the naysayers that it wasn't all some fluke, I also managed to shed another pound this week.

And that, my dears, was no small feat since during my ornament exchange with two of my BFFs, I left with not just some cute ornaments but a wide array of chocolate. And not just any chocolate, no siree, Missy, but my favorite chocolate from Hotel Chocolate. If I could check into the Hotel Chocolate, I don't know that I would ever come back out again.


Now my other BFF, Jennifer, fancies herself a Godiva girl. She has one of those frequent buyer cards. The Godiva people always ask me if I want to join and get my own card, so I can get my free piece of chocolate for those times my friend opts not to share with me.

Really? If I signed up, I might as well just roll a cot into their store. I don't think I would ever leave. 

It's that self-control thing I constantly wrestle with.

I also learned this week that I am not alone in my stinkin' thinkin' about chocolate. You see, anytime I have Hotel Chocolate in my pantry, I start trying to ration it out, but then I rationalize that I'm going to eat it all anyway so does it really matter if I divide up the calories throughout the week or just inhale all gazillion calories at one time and get it over with. Hmmmmm?

I learned  my yoga pal, Becky, thinks the same way (and I thought I was alone).
But sadly, apparently it does matter. According to Judith J. Wurtman, we need to approach the holidays, "Like putting charges on your credit card, you can decide that you are able to 'afford' the calories at the party, feast or open house, or you can choose to stop eating because you have already consumed more than your caloric limit. But don't fool yourself that if you decide not to notice how much you are eating and drinking, your scale won't notice either."

I'm pretty sure eating all that chocolate at once puts me over my measly caloric limit just like I'm fairly certain shopping at Neiman Marcus or Barneys will max out my credit card.
Another website provided a bit more hope for those in the gorging camp. Although most health folks claim we gain anywhere between three and seven pounds over the holidays, one site says it's more like one pound. One. As in Uno. Kind of like the one pound I lost.

But I'm thinking they don't have a pantry with a wide assortment of Hotel Chocolate or a Godiva frequent buyer card or my yoga pal's big bag of M&Ms.

I think the pound I lost would be found along with quite a few of his friends.

Week 16–Taking a Breather in Skinny Jeans

[This article was first published as Week 16–Taking a Breather in Skinny Jeans on Technorati.]

Bet some of you thought I abandoned this weight loss challenge with the holidays here.

No siree, Missy. I'm here for the long haul.

I did step on the scale and noticed no weight loss. I was prepared for that little bit of disappointment, though, because I wasn't exactly good this week. Still, I wasn't horribly bad either. Stuff like chocolate, a smidge of pie and some other assorted things sort of put me on Santa's bad dieter list.

I did have a monumental break-through. I (like most women) have "fat" clothes, "regular" clothes and "clothes I'll wear when I lose weight" or "skinny" clothes. In fact, tucked away in the back of the bottom drawer of my dresser was a shopping bag with a pair of blue jeans I purchased in March of 2009.  The bag still contained the receipt and the blue jeans still had the tags on them.

Those blue jeans never fit me. I bought them at an outlet store without trying them on because I purchased the same pair there a few months before and loved them. Silly me, I assumed they would fit exactly the same, but apparently there's quite a variation in sizing. I couldn't even zip up this pair, but since I couldn't return them, every few months when I was feeling hopeful,  I would open up the bag, take them out and try them on.

It became my regular shot of disappointment. I should have just tacked a wide load sign on my backside. 

But lately I've noticed my clothes are fitting rather looser, so I peaked into that bag again, took the blue jeans out and tried them on.

This time I zipped them up.

And, more importantly, I could even breathe.

Week 14–How Black Friday Put Me Back On Track

[This article was first published as Week 14–How Black Friday Put Me Back On Track on Technorati.]

Like most Americans, I allowed myself license to fall off the diet bandwagon and consumed mass quantities of food over Thanksgiving. 

And just like Turkey, Texas, I pretty much rejected any ideas of substituting tofu for my turkey. No siree, Missy. No tofu here.

And although I fell from grace on Thanksgiving, Black Friday provided a redemption of sorts, setting me back on the righteous diet track. Let me explain. 

Black Friday found me at the mall as a willing participant in helping with that  7 percent increase in spending over last year's post-turkey day shopping spree.

So there I was enticed into a Betsey Johnson store by a pink 40 percent off everything sign. Within minutes, I was standing with a few gift items in line behind a woman who was one and half times the size of me. 

She was bemoaning to the sales woman (who was probably 60 percent younger than me and 60 percent smaller than me) as to why designer Betsey Johnson didn't make clothes for "larger" sized women.

I wanted to say, "Oh, you mean FAT women," but I stopped myself and resisted the sudden urge to randomly poll shoppers asking, "Does anyone remotely think squeezing a plus-size woman into one of Betsey's dresses is a good idea? Anyone? Anyone at all?"

And that fellow shoppers didn't even begin to address the age factor. While I tend to agree you are only as old as you feel, I also believe that age does have certain limitations. While I would love to be able to fit into my daughter's clothes, I really don't think wearing them would be a good idea.

It was sort of like that moment a few weeks ago when my youngest daughter called to tell me that Modest Mouse was finally coming to Texas. And I said, "Oh, I wish I could go, but I guess I'm too old…"

Which was followed by a moment of silence instead of an invitation to the concert.

I get it. I really do. Sometimes I forget I'm part of that 50-plus set.

Which is why I will never see Modest Mouse or wear one of those funky, fabulous Betsey Johnson dresses. 

Still, the thought that one day I could fit into one of those funky, fabulous Betsey Johnson dresses if I stay the course on my Frying-In-My-Own-Fat Weight Loss Challenge put me right back on track.

Who knows, maybe I'll even actually buy one of those fabulously, funky Betsey Johnson dresses. You know, I could wear it around the house while belting out my repertoire of my favorite Modest Mouse tunes.

So Betsey, stay the course. Don't design for the larger crowd. Be my inspiration, and I promise I'll hop back on the scale next week a pound lighter and singing "Fire it up!"

And who knows, maybe next Black Friday I'll try on one of those funky, fabulous dresses. 

Week 13 Update: When Your Fat Fanny Becomes A National Security Issue

[This article was first published as Week 13–When Your Fat Fanny Becomes A National Security Issue on Technorati.]

I started up yoga again after a two and half week exercise hiatus caused by my sprained ankle.

Make no mistake though, the pain remains fairly unabated. I just figured I could exercise and have pain, or I could lounge on the couch and have pain.

I can't tell you how much I would have preferred the latter, but since I was having to adjust my food intake to compensate for my lack of mobility, my food options were resembling my shoe options--slim to none.

 So I opted to go back to yoga instead. As long as I stayed clear of those one legged poses and stuff like that dancer pose, I was fine. (OK, so maybe I never could do those twisty things, but at least I have an excuse now.)

Speaking of excuses,  I saw where  Congress decided to push a less than nutritional school lunch fare safeguarding pizza and french fries and allowing two tablespoons of tomato paste to continue to count as a vegetable.

Even some retired generals and admirals from a group called Mission: Readiness have weighed in, calling the lack of nutrition in school lunches a national security issue. Apparently one in four kids are  too fat to join the military.

“This is a tragedy for the country,” said retired four-star Air Force General Richard E. Hawley, who is a member of Mission: Readiness. “We are taking a step backward apparently in response to pressure from groups who see it in their interest to serve junk food in our schools.”

Hawley said America’s obesity epidemic is a threat to national security.

It's a good thing my age disqualifies me for military service. Otherwise, my fat fanny could be a national security issue, too. Because despite being another 1.4 pounds lighter this week, I'm still too fat for military service.

Slowly, but surely though, my weight is coming off, but I'm not eating pizza and french fries or counting tomato paste as a vegetable either.

Is Anyone Really Out There? Week 12 Update--There Ain't No Cheese With This Whine

[This article was first published as Week 12 Update–There Ain't No Cheese With This Whine on Technorati.]

Let's just hang it all out there today. This is an old-fashion, full-blown, 5-alarm whinefest, and I'm not talking about the red-stuff-in-a-crystal-glass-kind either. No siree, Missy.

And since I'm still trying to lose weight, there ain't gonna be any cheese with this whine either. 

When I decided to be Ninja teacher at the start of the school year and fly  under the radar who knew just how invisible I would become?

I figured that perhaps if I kept my big fat mouth shut I'd stay out of trouble, and, if my big fat mouth stayed shut most of the time, as an added bonus, I might lose some weight, too. Toss in the whole "I'm Frying In My Own Fat Weight Loss Challenge" thing, and I figured it was a win/win of sorts.

Instead, this Ninja thing forced me to wonder rather Pink Floyd-like "Is anyone really out there?"

I thought by blogging about my weight loss struggles, there might be a word or two of encouragement from others. I thought perhaps readers might even offer up a tip or two. Or Dr. Oz would offer up some help. OK, so maybe not Dr. Oz, but you get it.

Something.

Anything.

But in the past 13 weeks I have been at this and despite being retweeted by a fair number, I've received only one brief note of encouragement.

One.

As in uno.

As in one more than none.

Does that mean that people retweet with abandon, but never actually read the stuff they toss down the Internet?

Or perhaps it's this Ninja thing. See how invisible I have become? 

At least I managed to become a half pound more invisible this past week, bringing my total weight loss to 10 pounds. And yes, I realize that I probably could have lost that half a pound just by sneezing. And, yes, I worry about gaining weight over the holiday season.

But I have other, more pressing worries. I became even more disheartened this week. As I entered Week Two of being sidelined by my sprained ankle and unable to exercise, I still had people come up to me and ask how I injured myself. Questions from people, you know, who claimed to read these things.

Which, again makes me ponder, "Is anyone really out there?"

If you are, do you think that perhaps you could bring some cheese for this whine?

Frying In My Own Fat Weight Loss Challenge Update Week 11–New Calorie Counting App on the Horizon

[This article was first published as Week 11–New Calorie Counting App on the Horizon on Technorati.]

Unfortunately all of Week 11 of the Frying in My Own Fat Weight Loss Challenge was spent recuperating from what I now refer to as my "Mike Napoli World Series Incident."

Napoli, as you may recall, injured his ankle in Game 6 of the World Series. I injured my ankle after Game 6. The similarities of our lives pretty much stops there.
So this week left me sidelined with my foot propped up, a bag of ice and the new owner of one very unfashionable black boot. All of that meant, no exercise. No exercise translates into eating less. Eating less translates into grumpy.

And all of the above translates into no weight loss. But at least, there was no weight gain either.

With this extra couch potato time, I spent more time reading and searching for tips on losing weight or new stuff related to losing weight. It seems there's a new app on the horizon for counting calories called PlateMate.

Here's how it works: You put food on your plate. Take a photo of it and send it off for analysis.

According to articles which appeared in the Boston Globe and the New York Times,  "PlateMate uses a more complex crowd-sourcing tool, involving sets of individuals — getting small payments to analyze photos on a website — who analyze parts of the food photo, with some identifying the food and others estimating portion sizes. The trick is to have five individuals estimating portion sizes on each plate and then averaging those guesses."

Supposedly, all of this gives a fairly accurate count of calories. Of course, one dietitian who was interviewed pointed out, “You can look at a photo of a quiche and have no idea what’s really in it. Is it made with regular cheese or low-fat? Skim milk or whole milk? You’ll only be getting a guesstimate of calories.”

She's got a point. Still, I'm looking forward to PlateMate which is suppose to be available sometime this year.

I'd love to be able to try it, but in addition to being stuck with a sore ankle and an very unfashionable black boot, I am also stuck with a dumb phone until my phone carrier decides to give me an upgrade.

I bet Mike Napoli doesn't have that problem either.

Week 11–Let's blame the World Series for this dieting setback--The "Frying-In-My-Own-Fat" Weight-Loss Challenge Update

[This article was first published as Week 11–Let's Blame the World Series for this Dieting Setback on Technorati.]

I blame the World Series. Specifically Game 6.

It was bound to happen. A major setback for  the Texas Rangers in their World Series bid and for me in my Week 11 of this Frying-In-My-Own-Fat Weight-Loss Challenge.
In addition to a come-from-behind-win in extra innings by the Cardinals, Texas Ranger Mike Napoli also injured his ankle in Game Six. And in a twisted show of solidarity, my ankle took a turn for the worst shortly after 6 a.m. that following morning.
Game Six pretty much sealed and doomed the Rangers. The Rangers couldn't overcome that loss, and the Cardinals won the series in Game 7.

And for my Week 11, Game 6 doomed me as well. I really don't have much to show for weight loss. In fact, I don't believe I have any. I blame the sprain.

I wish I could say I was doing something fascinating or interesting when I received my injury. You know, something like sprinting after a dress code violator while on hall duty or tackling a test cheater. I wish I could say there was something Napoli-like about this thing.

But sadly, all I can say is that I inadvertently slid while walking on my driveway in the darkness of the morning and found myself prone and teary eyed and wondering if Napoli's sprain hurt as much as this.
Yes, my injury was more a classic rendition of "I've-fallen-and-can't-get up."

It's a good thing I had my cell phone on me because I had to use it to call my husband to come out of the house and help me get up and hobble back in. Otherwise, I'd still be crawling military-style toward my front door.

Sad, but true. So this ankle thing benched me from exercising for the remainder of Week 11 and pretty much for all of upcoming Week 12.

As if all of that wasn't bad enough, I read about a study conducted by a group of Australian researchers that concluded, "Obese people may regain weight after dieting due to hormonal changes, a University of Melbourne and Austin Health study has shown."

That triggered a bunch of headlines like this one… "Not your fault! Hormones linked to weight regain."

According to that article, "Any dieter knows that it's hard to keep off weight you've lost. Now a study finds that even a year after dieters shed a good chunk of weight quickly, their hormones were still insisting, "Eat! Eat! Eat!""

So you see, it's not my fault.

Blame it on those hormones.

Or the World Series.

Either way, I think I deserve a walk to home plate, and I'm not talking about the in-field kind either.

Pounds, Panera & the Godfather-- Week 10: Small weight loss bolstered by other breakthroughs

[This article was first published as Week 10–Small weight loss bolstered by other breakthroughs on Technorati.]

Now don't get all in a dither, but this week's weight loss was pretty paltry--only a half a pound.
A lesser person probably would have been epically discouraged, and I probably would have except I believe I've made some rather monumental breakthroughs–and not the kind involving clothing seams either.

For the first time in a very, very long time I went out for lunch and didn't eat everything on my plate. OK, so I ate my little piece of whole grain baguette (all 140 calories) that came with my Panera Pick Two order. But the rest--the salad and soup--I didn't. I just ate until I was full.
Confession time: I did purchase a very scrumptious looking 99 cent bakery item–The Double Fudge Brownie with Icing, though. (Now about this time a bunch of you skinny minnies are probably slapping yourselves upside your little tee tiny heads.)
But wait… I brought the treat home, checked on line  and discovered that tasty brownie weighed in at 470 calories, containing about as much as my lunch. So, instead of eating the entire thing, I cut off a small piece and saved the rest for my husband.
Now I realize all of that isn't the stuff that makes fodder for such shows as the Biggest Loser, but let's face it, Anna Kournikova, Dolvett Quince or Bob Harper aren't going to come knocking at my door to give me a thumbs up or yell encouragement as I battle myself in my own  weight loss challenge. I'm on my own here.
I knew it was going to be slow going especially since I am old(er). I read with interest an article entitled, "You can be a big 'Loser' at any age--here's how." Do we really need anyone to tell us the 50-plus blue team is at a disadvantage?
According to this article, those of us in our 40s and 50s need to load up on some omega-3 fatty acids for their "anti-inflammatory benefits" and "help with depression."
I don't think I need Bob Harper to tell me that my 99 cent double fudge brownie with icing doesn't contain any of those nifty omega-3 fatty acids.
And I'm fairly certain we probably need those nifty omega-3 fatty acids to  "help with the depression" which surely will ensue from either (1) not being able to eat that brownie or (2) the overwhelming guilt from eating that brownie.
I really don't know why I bother reading these fitness/weight loss articles. One of the suggestions was to reduce our calorie intake by 100 calories a day. OK, so that's reasonable.
But then there was this little suggestion: "If your family is having spaghetti and meatballs, have meatballs and spinach instead."
Spinach? Really?
All I could think of was how different Marlon Brando would have looked in the "Godfather" eating meatballs and spinach. And somehow that famous line wouldn't be so famous, if Clemenza had said, "Leave the gun and take the spinach."
I think the mere suggestion would have been enough for the Corleone family to go to the mattresses.

Week 9 of the "Frying In My Own Fat" Weight Loss Challenge: Experts Appear Surprised by Weight Research

[This article was first published as Week 9: Experts Appear Surprised by Weight Research on Technorati.]

I don't know why researchers and health experts always seem so surprised when they "discover" this or that in their recent surveys about fatty this or skinny that. The latest surprise discovery was that three in 10 overweight or obese people don't view their weight as a health issue.

Maybe that's because some of those other studies showed that a lot of overweight people really don't view themselves as fat.

Then there was that sleep thing they connected to weight loss. Blah, blah, blah. Sure there are some scientific factors that weigh in here, but on a basic level, you don't need to be a rocket scientist or commission a study to figure out the more you are awake, the more time you have to eat.

If I were a gamblin' woman, I would wager that these experts' facial expressions must be something akin to a permanent rendition of Macaulay Culkin's "Home Alone" face.

Now, that's a face I can related to.  I feel that way every single time I step on that scale and those numbers refuse to move downward. 

This weight loss challenge has been quite a challenge lately.

Daunting actually.

I don't quite understand why it's so easy to put these extra pounds on, but so difficult to take them off. I found a recent article that provided a laundry list of stuff that can sabotage weight loss. The list was mainly a collection of common sense things.

Then, of course, another article discussed how mindless eating can cause weight gain, too.

Gee whillikers, another shocker there.

I'll tell you what sabotages weight loss… F-O-O-D.

Let's all practice our "Home Alone" face as we step onto the scale for Week 9 of the "I'm-Frying-In-My-Own-Fat" Weight Loss Challenge.


Can I have a thunder thigh roll, pah-leese?

Just as I suspected. Weight loss for this week:  one measly pound.

No shocker there.

[This article was first published as Week 8 Frying In My Own Fat Weight Loss Challenge: Trying to Weigh In As Normal on Technorati.]



According to a recent survey, 36.6 percent of Americans weigh in at a normal weight.

That's up in a good way--about 1 percent from a year ago.

But slow down, Missy, I don't think it's time to break out the milkshakes or Ben & Jerry's ice cream yet. These figures were based on telephone interviews, not actual weigh ins.

According to the article, the data was based on self-reported info of height and weight to determine a score of body mass index. So tell me, just how many people actually have their real weight on their driver's license? Hmmmm? Just wondering.

That also means that even though about a third of Americans are of "normal" weight, everyone else is either overweight or obese. Which also makes me wonder if two-thirds of the population are fatty-fatty-two-by-fours, perhaps that "normal" category is all relative. Sometimes I look fairly "normal" on certain days standing next to certain people in the grocery line if you know what I mean.

The pollsters aren't exactly sure what caused that 1 percent drop. Perhaps, we are finally beginning to get it and doing something about being fat.

I know I am slowly moving in that direction. Week 8 of my "Frying In My Own Fat" Weight Loss Challenge finds me almost another pound lighter, bringing my grand total loss eight pounds closer to normal.

Week 7 Frying In My Own Fat Weightloss Challenge–-Tackling Global Obesity One Pound at a Time

(This article was first published as Week 7: Tackling Global Obesity One Pound at a Time on Technorati.)

A few weeks ago, I read with interest an article about some sort of U.N. special summit that was supposed to tackle chronic diseases. 

In light of my "Frying In My Own Fat" Weight Loss Challenge, I was particularly interested in  British Chef Jamie Oliver's plea to world leaders about tackling obesity globally.

In a letter to the UN, Oliver wrote, “One in ten people in the world are obese. It’s affecting our kids – 42 million are overweight before they even reach school age, and most of those beautiful children will be suffering from the early stages of heart disease and diabetes by the time they reach adulthood… People still don’t realize that the problem is not just limited to rich  countries, that worldwide being obese or overweight now causes more deaths than under-nutrition. It’s convenient for everyone to think that it’s just America which has the biggest problem.” 

Of course, Oliver has been on this skinny-minny bandwagon for quite some time now. A few years back, he tried to introduced healthy lunches in some British schools. That worked about as well as me substituting tea for my morning coffee.

According to the news report, "children fought back by boycotting the cafeterias. Some parents even shoved hamburgers, pizza and french fries to hungry children through school yard fences."

Undeterred, Oliver continued championing healthier food in schools and was vindicated in later news reports when test scores rose and people attributed the increase in brain power to the decrease in junk food. 

Still, I can certainly understand that sort of frustration exhibited along that school yard fence. I sort of felt that way the other day when I peered at my teensy-weensy, t-tiny frozen lunch. (Remember, this past week I grappled with that entire portion control thing.)

Oh, what I would have given for someone to shove a pizza my way, or a hamburger, or a few french fries.  

But because I didn't have anyone doing that, I managed to shed 1.6 pounds bringing my grand total weight loss so far to 7 pounds since I began this  weight loss shebang six weeks ago. 

I think maybe even Jamie Oliver might be proud.

Week 6: I May Be Frying In My Own Fat But I'm Thawing Out Some Frozen Dinners

[This article was first published as Week 6: I May Be Frying In My Own Fat But I'm Thawing Out Some Frozen Dinners on Technorati.]


I've never been a frozen food fan, but I finally succumbed to eating frozen meals for lunch because apparently I am too stupid to visually gauge portions.

I even went to the Mayo Clinic website and watched a nifty little slide show about portion control. "If your portion control is out of control, you may be supersizing your meals and yourself," the site says. But have no fear, it's easy to correct, they promise.

You can use "every day" objects such as baseballs, hockey pucks and dice to help you determine portion size. I'm not exactly sure how a hockey puck can be considered an "every day" object, but hey, I thought, I like hockey so I'm OK with that.

I was whipping through the slides until I got to Slide 11.

The one where they have four squares of cheese (yummy) and four dice. Jeepers, now I see my problem-o.
My portion dice don't look anything like those dice. Rather, they look a bit more like those fuzzy ones hanging off a rear view mirror. No wonder I have such trouble with this whole weight loss thing.
You can see why I've been spending some quality time in the frozen food aisle at the grocery store and why my weight loss report for the week shows no loss and no gain. At least I found some decent meals to take for lunch. Let's see how it goes this week because I must admit I'm getting a tad bit frustrated that after six weeks, all I have less to show for it is five pounds.

Week 5 Frying in My Own Fat Weight Loss Challenge: State Fair Fryfest Serves as Too Much Temptation

 [This article was first published as Week 5: State Fair Fryfest Serves as Too Much Temptation on Technorati.]


The great State Fair of Texas gets underway in just a few weeks.

Sadly, I will not be one of the more than 2.6 million people expected to attend this year. Sorry, Big Tex, but I can't afford to get much bigger.
I love the state fair, but it's filled with all kinds of tasty, fried treats. (I can hear my arteries clogging just at the thought.)  New to the fryfest this year include deep-fried pineapple, fried salsa, fried bubble gum, and what I thought would be my personal favorite– a very special fried banana (think banana rolled in a flour tortilla fried then topped with whipped cream, powdered sugar, cinnamon, vanilla extract and then drizzled with caramel or chocolate syrup).
That little healthy apple in my lunch box doesn't look so good now.
Last year, The Dallas Morning News had the Cooper Clinic crunch some numbers on the winning fried food finalists at the fair. According to the article, if we ate those entries "you'd consume a heart-pounding, take-your-breath-away 5,089 calories, about half of them from fat."
Since I struggled to lose one pound this week, you can see why Big Tex will have to do without me there this year. 
I don't want to have to borrow his size 284 W x 185 L pants.

Week 4 of the "Frying In My Own Fat" Weight Loss Challenge–Better to Fry in Brown Fat Than White Fat

[This article was first published as Week 4–Better to Fry in Brown Fat Than White Fat on Technorati.]

I love that "Bullet with Butterfly Wings" song by the Smashing Pumpkins. The one that goes, "Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage."
Usually, I'm not fond of feeling like a rodent, but after reading about this little study, well, there could be some benefits there.

Apparently there is "energy-storing" white fat and "energy burning" brown fat. Who knew? We apparently want that "energy burning" brown fat. According to this study, our little furry mice friends transformed that bad white fat into that good brown fat when they were "given a more engaging place to live with greater opportunities for social stimulation."

The little furry guys who lived in the enriched environment also lost 50 percent more of their abdominal fat than the control critters.

So since my little weight loss endeavor didn't go as well as I had hoped this week with a zero (that's nadda, zilch, zippo) pound loss and only a one inch smaller waist to show for it, perhaps I need to take a closer look at that study. One writer even said it was "surprisingly simple." Apparently, I just need to be busier (is that even possible?), have more friends (so I now have to be less snarkier?), and more room to run around.

Really?

Now, if I can just get over this sudden craving for cheese, I'll probably be all right.

Frying in My Own Fat Week Three: Yoga Brings Little Stress Release

[This article was first published as Week 3–Yoga Brings Little Stress Relief on Technorati.]

I'm not quite sure if it's the lack of sugar, sleep or just a general malaise from this record setting heat, but quite frankly this "Frying In My Own Fat" Weight Loss Challenge thing is making me just a tad bit grumpy.

OK, so maybe more than a tad bit grumpy.

My yoga buddy, Becky, and I came within a nanosecond of earning the dubious distinction of being the first people on planet to be tossed out of a yoga class. Who knew yoga could be so stressful?

OK OK OK so maybe that's a tad bit of an exaggeration, but if we had actually put our thoughts into actions, let's just say my little yoga crane hands would have poked out Mr. Gumby Guy Yoga Instructor's eyes out, and that would have been a very, very un-yogi like thing to do especially during National Yoga Month.

It's not that I don't love yoga. I do, and with it being National Yoga Month, you can actually get a free week's worth of yoga at just about any place. Which, after my little class with Mr. Gumby Guy Yoga instructor, is a great idea so you can find an instructor that matches you like my favorite teacher of all time, Chris.

I most certainly can understand why people are reticent to sign up for a gym, continue an exercise program and or try something new. You get tired of people expecting you to do things you just can't do, and then chastise you for "not pushing yourself."
Since I apparently have these anger issues, for a fleeting instant, I almost succumbed to one of those slick advertisements and signed up for a fitness boot camp specials from Groupon.

Almost.

I thought maybe, just maybe, it would help jump start me a bit more after that crème brulee fiasco of last week.

Even though those boot camp sites claim their programs are for people of all ages and skill levels, well, just look at their camp videos. I didn't see one person who looked like me… old…fat…grumpy…tired…nonrunner…

I bet they have an entire army of Mean Mr. Gumby Guys.

Except these guys probably yell at you.

Instead, I purchased a nice little Groupon facial.

I figured I deserved a little stress reduction and a little reward. I lost two pounds this week, and I didn't poke anyone's eye out.

Why I hate the French––Week 2: Frying in My Own Fat Weight Loss Challenge

[This article was first published as Frying in My Own Fat Week Two: Why I hate the French on Technorati.]

After my dinner out Friday night, you might as well make me the poster child for the big fat diet failure.  
 

Apparently, though, I'm not the only failure. According to a recent study and news reports, obesity is fast replacing tobacco "as the single most important preventable cause of chronic non-communicable diseases."

I'm not quite sure why everyone else keeps failing, but I'm blaming the French because my failure can be summed up in two little French words– Creme Brulee.

For those of you who didn't take high school or college French, Creme Brulee  roughly translates as "Fatty Fatty Two-by-Four." This dessert alone can single handedly be a diet saboteur, and even that word is French in its origins.

Need I say more about why I am no longer fond of the French?

So now I can only say that, according to the scale I keep hidden in my closet, I have only lost a grand total of two pounds since we got this party started two weeks ago. 

Before the creme brulee debacle, I was down another pound by midweek and hoping to whack off another 16 ounces by my weekly Monday weigh in, so I could report a two pound loss for the week. But according to my cyber fitness pal, if all my days were like my day Friday, I'd gain 10 pounds in five weeks and look like that lady at the restaurant spilling out of her zebra print dress.

OK, OK, OK so maybe my cyber pal didn't give me that visual.

You might as well poke my eye out with a stick of salted butter.

Except I'd probably eat it–all 810 calories.