Sunday, November 27, 2011
[This article was first published as Week 14–How Black Friday Put Me Back On Track on Technorati.]
Like most Americans, I allowed myself license to fall off the diet bandwagon and consumed mass quantities of food over Thanksgiving.
And just like Turkey, Texas, I pretty much rejected any ideas of substituting tofu for my turkey. No siree, Missy. No tofu here.
And although I fell from grace on Thanksgiving, Black Friday provided a redemption of sorts, setting me back on the righteous diet track. Let me explain.
Black Friday found me at the mall as a willing participant in helping with that 7 percent increase in spending over last year's post-turkey day shopping spree.
So there I was enticed into a Betsey Johnson store by a pink 40 percent off everything sign. Within minutes, I was standing with a few gift items in line behind a woman who was one and half times the size of me.
She was bemoaning to the sales woman (who was probably 60 percent younger than me and 60 percent smaller than me) as to why designer Betsey Johnson didn't make clothes for "larger" sized women.
I wanted to say, "Oh, you mean FAT women," but I stopped myself and resisted the sudden urge to randomly poll shoppers asking, "Does anyone remotely think squeezing a plus-size woman into one of Betsey's dresses is a good idea? Anyone? Anyone at all?"
And that fellow shoppers didn't even begin to address the age factor. While I tend to agree you are only as old as you feel, I also believe that age does have certain limitations. While I would love to be able to fit into my daughter's clothes, I really don't think wearing them would be a good idea.
It was sort of like that moment a few weeks ago when my youngest daughter called to tell me that Modest Mouse was finally coming to Texas. And I said, "Oh, I wish I could go, but I guess I'm too old…"
Which was followed by a moment of silence instead of an invitation to the concert.
I get it. I really do. Sometimes I forget I'm part of that 50-plus set.
Which is why I will never see Modest Mouse or wear one of those funky, fabulous Betsey Johnson dresses.
Still, the thought that one day I could fit into one of those funky, fabulous Betsey Johnson dresses if I stay the course on my Frying-In-My-Own-Fat Weight Loss Challenge put me right back on track.
Who knows, maybe I'll even actually buy one of those fabulously, funky Betsey Johnson dresses. You know, I could wear it around the house while belting out my repertoire of my favorite Modest Mouse tunes.
So Betsey, stay the course. Don't design for the larger crowd. Be my inspiration, and I promise I'll hop back on the scale next week a pound lighter and singing "Fire it up!"
And who knows, maybe next Black Friday I'll try on one of those funky, fabulous dresses.