Loser, Yoga & My Inner Me

[In honor of the lack of Chubby Brits who failed to rise up to the occasion and participate in this little fitness challenge, here's Yo Mum's So Fat Joke #7…

"Your mums so fat that when she steps on the scales it says one at a time please!"]

OK, so I'm a loser—and not in the poundage category either. I noticed on the nifty little computer calendar that it's been almost a month since my last entry.

Jeez Louise, that's hardly a way to encourage my cyberbuddy Joel in his weight loss endeavor.  Since 30 days have lapsed since my last post, well  I hardly know where to begin. So we'll just jump right in there and try our best to recap 30 days of negligence, but I’ve gotta warn you, it ain't pretty.

•And then there were five (another exercise class bites the dust)…

It's not our fault. No really. You can't blame Doomsday Becky and me for the discontinuation of our yoga classes at our most recent exercise location. Missy Chrissy Pretzel decided she wanted her own place and opened up her very own yoga studio. Doomsday Becky and I figured that we can't jinx Missy Chrissy Pretzel because we are following her over there, not discovering her there. I did volunteer not to follow Missy Chrissy Pretzel to her new place if she was worried. (I didn't have the heart to tell her about those bad karma exercise gods. I pretty sure all those closing doors are retribution for all those times I called that one girl balloon butt in college.) Instead, I opened up the ol' checkbook, paid for the entire year and hoped that would buy us all some good karma.

•Does that yearbook make me look fat?  

Trying to get the yearbook finished these past 30 days has significantly hurt my exercise program. I quit going out to the garage to smack my punching bag and instead bebopped my way to work at 7 a.m. The good news is after tomorrow all those pages are in and I can resume my morning kickboxing program. As an added bonus, the weather is warm and the garage no longer freezing. Pretty soon I can complain about the heat instead.

•Yoga & Me & Eagle Poses

I'm still attending yoga classes at least twice a week. I'm planning to try and go three to four times a week since I paid for a year's worth of unlimited yoga sessions. I still fall over most of the time. At least at the new studio, there aren't any mirrors, so I don't have a visual image of how goofy I actually look. Missy Chrissy Pretzel says to look inside ourselves for our image. Too bad my inner me image isn't my outside image because my inner me is a mini-me… tall, thin and young, not short, fat Rubenesque and old. Plus, my inside image has that eagle standing tall, instead of looking like that tipsy, goofy eagle falling off a cliff.

•Goals & Deadlines

I went back and took another peek at the goals I set for myself back in January, and I must say that was a pretty depressing jaunt down memory lane.

Goal #1 was to lose 30 pounds by the end of May. Well, I guess we can mark that one as a big, fat failure. I arrived at the number three part OK. Now, all I have to do is get a zero after that three instead of before it. Fear not. I will not give up. Maybe we'll shoot for 10 pounds instead. (Unless, of course, someone wants to volunteer hiring me a personal trainer, chef, nutritionist, and, let's throw in a plastic surgeon as well.)

Goal #2 was to be able to do the Eagle Pose by the end of May. Hmmmmm. Now, I am better at it, but whether it will meet Missy Chrissy Pretzel's professional OK, well, let's just say I better keep practicing.

Well, that's about all the updating I'm going to do, but before I go I do have to admit that I had to eat eight of those tasty mini Cadbury Easter eggs to take the sting off the trauma of writing this post.