Fitness Challenge Update: Call Me the Tiger Mom of Nothing

[This article was first published as Call Me the Tiger Mom of Nothing on Technorati.]

Jeepers creepers, I'm not sure how a 7 year old can have weight issues. And, I'm not quite sure how such a thing can get parlayed into a fat little book contract either.

I'm a nice person, and I'm still waiting for a fat little book contract with a major publisher for my book.

Maybe that's my problem.

I'm probably too nice. Maybe.

And perhaps a tad bit too funny. Probably.

And most definitely, I'm not really a "Tiger Mom" of anything,m so I'm probably going to be sitting on my fat behind for quite some time…waiting and waiting and waiting. Just call me Tiger Mom of Nothing.

Apparently you have to be over the top or over the edge or out there on the stratosphere to get noticed anymore.

By now most of you have heard the story of Dara-Lynn Weiss, the New York mom, who put her daughter on a diet and then wrote about it in Vogue magazine. 

Diet doctors were aghast. Others defended her. The end result showed a 16 pound weight loss for the 7 year old over the course of a year and a fat book contract gain for mom.

Now wait just a darn tootin' minute, Missy. I'm down another pound this week.  I've lost 18 pounds since I started my "Frying-In-My-Own-Fat" Weight Loss Challenge. What about me?

But I'm not 7 years old.

I don't have a Tiger Mom.

And I'm pretty sure Vogue doesn't give a rat's behind about me.

After all, I'm just me working on being a little less of me.

Fitness Challenge Update: Easter Bunny Blamed For Weight Gain

[This article was first published as Easter Bunny Blamed For Weight Gain on Technorati.]

We all knew it was a matter of time before I fell off the weight loss bandwagon. Quite frankly I'm surprised I went as long as I did.

This is the first week I posted a weight gain –a half a pound. I realize it's not much of a gain, but a gain is still a gain. And I promised to be truthful in this fitness challenge reporting.

Am I happy about this latest turn of events? No siree, Missy, I am not.

I could make up excuses. I have plenty of them. Part of the blame falls squarely on those emergency chocolate batons I ate last week, or rather inhaled, from the stress of my job.

And yes, I have been under quite a bit of stress lately. So much so that I actually backed into my garage door on my way to work. (Did I mention the van was in the garage and the garage door was closed as I was backing out? Who knew all that glass shattering would make such a racket?) 

But I rather think the Easter bunny should shoulder some of this weight loss gain blame. It's those darn tootin' tasty Cadbury mini-chocolate Easter eggs that appear in drug stores everywhere about this time.

I think maybe three bags of those little guys have appeared in my pantry and disappeared in the past few weeks. For the weight loss challenge (or challenged), the Easter season seems to be a difficult time of year for losing weight with aisle upon aisle of Easter candy.

According to one website, just one solid chocolate bunny contains 890 calories which would equate to more than the caloric intake of two meals for me.

Another site has a cute little slide show illustrating how much Easter candy you can eat at 100 calories. Apparently, I can only eat six of those tasty little Cadbury mini-eggs for 96 calories.

Thus, the problem.

My problem.

At six mini-eggs, I'm barely just getting started.

Darn Easter bunny. If he drops off any more of those eggs, I think we'll be eating rabbit stew. Apparently there's only 159.1 calories in a cup of that.

Fitness Challenge Update: Diet Takes A Spring Break

[This article was first published as Diet Takes A Spring Break on Technorati.}

 

If being a yearbook adviser were a diet or an exercise program, I would be one Skinny Minnie.

Unfortunately, it is not.

While spring break is going full throttle even at destinations in Mexico deemed unsafe by the Texas Department of Public Safety, I find myself drowning in all things yearbook 24/7 because we must turn in all 272 pages now in order to have the yearbook back before the kiddos break for the summer.

Am I having fun over my spring break? No siree, Missy.  Unfortunately, my diet did.

So while spring breakers actually find themselves aligned with dead poets shouting,"Carpe Diem!" I find myself hunched over a computer and muttering phrases not fit for print.  When I should be beefing up my exercise programs because I am "off work," I am online submitting pages.

I've been so stressed with this yearbook thing that I ate my entire box of emergency chocolates that one of my BFFs gave me two weeks ago. ("I think you're going to need them," she foreshadowed.)  And that little box wasn't the cheap stuff either, but my most favorite chocolate–Hotel Chocolate. An entire little box of Caramel Chocolate Batons disappeared faster than you can shout, "I hate yearbook!"

Somehow I don't think that's what the helpful guy meant when he posted a comment a few weeks ago suggesting that I eat smaller and more frequent meals. Somehow I don't think eating a box of caramel chocolate batons fit into that little suggestion.

And yes, I know, I am pathetic.

Still, I did manage to lose a half a pound, but I don't think those caramel chocolate batons had a chance yet to settle on my hips.

I guess we'll find out next week.

Fitness Challenge Update: Those Without Sin Cast The First Chicken Wing

[This article was first published as Those Without Sin Cast The First Chicken Wing on Technorati."

I don't need a scientific survey to tell me that most people lie about how much they weigh. I do it all the time.

It's not because I don't know exactly how much I weigh. I do. It's just I don't really think it's anyone else's business which is why I only report the number of pounds lost for my "Frying-in-my-own-fat Weight Loss Challenge," never my actual weight. To get that little piece of information, my dears, you'll have to have top secret government clearance or send a squad of Navy SEALs or Army Rangers to force an accurate accounting.

So you can see why I don't understand the fuss over whether New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie is lying about losing weight, or whether the First Lady deserves a pass for eating ribs or serving up fattening fair at a Super Bowl party.

In matters of weight and food, let those of you without sin cast the first chicken wing.

Those of us on this weight loss bandwagon work hard to try and eat healthy in our quest to shed our extra pounds, but we do falter in our struggle. I was reminded this weekend that we probably don't have to be so careful after reading a a news article coming out of Canada.  The article resurrects that Twinkie Diet from about a year ago which underscores that weight loss occurs when you use more calories than you take in no matter what you eat including vats of Twinkies. It also revisited that Imagine Diet.

The only thing I know for sure this week is that I really don't have any weight loss to report. I along with the needle on my scale seem to be stuck. (And, yes, I whacked it a few times. Still, a no go.)

And that, my dears, is no lie.

New diet pill promises 10% weight loss

[This article first published as New Diet Pill Promises 10 Percent Weight Loss on Technorati.]

According to a recent article, there's a new diet pill on the horizon--the first to receive tentative approval in more than a decade--that promises a 10 percent weight loss.

Still, there is concern about the drug's side effects. Apparently, the problem is not in creating weight loss drugs, but in creating weight loss drugs without side effects.

According to another news story, the "biggest problem in creating a weight-loss drug is that there appears to be no safe way to turn off one of the human body's most fundamental functions."

Tell me about it. They're talking about that thing that makes our bodies store fat the nano-second we cut back on food. You know, that thing that screams, "I'm starving! Save the fat, save the fat, save the fat!"

Yeah, that thing. Oh, how I hate that thing.

I sure wish losing weight were as simple as popping a pill, but there ain't no easy road to weight loss. No siree, Missy. I struggled like the rest of the fatsos this week increasing my workout intensity and watching my food intake, but not so much as to make that thing scream, "Save the fat, save the fat, save the fat!"

Apparently, I successfully outsmarted that darn tootin' thing as I am proud to report that my scale showed me 1.6 pounds lighter this week.

I suppose if losing weight were easy, 35 percent of the population wouldn't be fat, and we all would be running around looking like Heidi Klum or Brad Pitt.

If only.

Maybe one day someone will find a magic pill that will easily transform us back to that better, smaller version of ourselves. In the meantime, can't you just hear the Project Runway host saying, "One minute your thin and the next minute your fat!"

Thanks, Heidi.

In Search of Team Skinny

[This article was first published as In Search of Team Skinny on Technorati.]

Usually I am not fond of the word "contagious," but according to a new study, losing weight can be contagious.

"This is the first study to show that in these team-based campaigns, who's on your team really matters," lead author Tricia Leahey, Ph.D., of The Miriam Hospital and Alpert Medical School said in news reports. "Being surrounded by others with similar health goals all working to achieve the same thing may have really helped people with their weight loss efforts."

Apparently, weight loss outcomes "were clearly determined by which team an individual was on." 

Clearly, I need to sign up with Team Skinny because this week I was on Team Failure.

Despite my high hopes from the previous weeks, this week found me eating left over Valentine's Day chocolate… and brownies… and extra servings of this and that.

I even went to the movies (a rare treat for me) and got some of that movie popcorn… yep, with the butter… and the salt… and, oh yeah, a hefty portion of guilt. And if my little Fitness Pal calorie counter is correct, I just discovered that small bag of movie popcorn contained 420 calories which is more than I eat for lunch.

So because I'm on Team Failure, I opted not to weigh myself for this update. I figured it would just depress me and send me further into my Emergency Chocolate drawer.

Instead, I've decided to start anew this week with a better resolve and attitude… and if you find Team Skinny, tell them I'm ready for a change.

Fitness Challenge Update: Losing Weight the American Way

[This article was  first published as Continuing Weight Loss the American Way on Technorati.]

Last week found me taking care of some stuff in Colorado, so I opted to give myself a pass for losing weight as long as I didn’t gain any weight.

Still, I managed to lose about a half pound and gain a new found admiration for people who travel all the time. The traveling road is brutal and fraught with too much sugar, fat and salt.  

While I sat in my aisle seat waiting for take off, I was once again reminded the importance of sticking with this frying in your own fat weight loss challenge. A rather hefty woman made her way to the back of the plan with a seat belt extension in hand. I don’t want to ever become one of those people who make the news because they get booted off a plane for being too fat or made to pay for another ticket because they can’t squish their behinds into their assigned seat. No siree, Missy.

Things like that mortify me and make me pray--a prayer of thanks that I never reached that size. A prayer of thanks for God’s blessings and strength to keep this weight loss challenge thing going. A prayer for the hefty woman and whatever baggage she hauls around her.

Traveling also gave me a chance to reflect. Here are a few things I learned on this trip:
#1… Gaining A New Perspective…I flew American Airlines and despite its bankruptcy woes,  everyone with American was very, very pleasant. Not a sour, dour person even when faced with some really, really stupid passengers.
You’re probably wondering what all of that has to do with this weight loss challenge. Well, when I start feeling grumpy (which I do from time to time with this dieting thing), I think of others who are having tougher times than me like those American Airline folks. While I'm worrying about what food to put on the table, they're worrying about how to put food on the table. See what I mean?

#2…Finding Healthy…Although I miss the little snacks we use to get for free on flights (pretzels, nuts, blah, blah, blah) such things aren’t good for my weight loss thing and certainly not good for the seatbelt extender in the back of the plane. I don’t even drink the free sodas on airplanes. (Sodas are bad, remember?) Instead, I drank my overpriced $3.50 Fiji water. For a snack, I even managed to purchase a 130 calorie healthy snack at the airport (some hummus and cucumber slices.) Of course, I had to look past all the fattening stuff, but it can be done, and for once, I finally did it.

#3… Missing Fitness Routines… Being gone made me miss my exercise/yoga regiment. I really did miss it. For the first time, I realized I don't have to talk myself into going anymore. I just don't need to go; I want to go.
So maybe some more pounds will want to go, too, and take a little trip far, far away from my behind.

Seat belt extender? No danger here.

Challenge Update: Start Looking For A Sugar Daddy

[This article was first published as Start Looking For A Sugar Daddy on Technorati.]

Sometimes I think it's just best to ignore some of the stuff that seeps out of California especially San Francisco.

This is probably one of those times, but the buzz coming from over there about this sugar business (The Toxic Truth About Sugar) made more noise across the globe than a roomful of 6 year olds on a sugar rush after a Halloween party.

From the UK to France to Canada to Pakistan, news reports talked about the recommendation by three California researchers that sugar should be regulated. The three advocate controlling sugar sales to anyone under 17 years old and taxing the rest of us for our sugar habit.

If the sugar police had their way, having a Sugar Daddy would take on an entirely new meaning.

Understandably the Sugar Association found this latest report "non-scientific and irresponsible. Others just called the report "idiotic."

If I completely gave up sugar, I'd probably shed my extra poundage pretty speedy quick for my "Frying In My Own Fat" Weight Loss Challenge, but that will never happen. No siree, Missy.

Why? Because I enjoy sugar. I must have milk and sugar in my morning coffee. So that probably makes me a sugar addict and a diary addict and, oh yeah, a coffee addict…and a…

"Hi, my name is Carol and I'm addicted to sugar and milk and coffee… and chocolate and food… and …"

Jeepers creepers, my list is endless… Still, despite my apparent sugar addiction, I'm down almost another pound this week.

Like I said, we probably should just ignore most of that stuff that seeps across the border from California. I do have one thing left to say, though:

I'll give up my sugar packets when you can pry them from my cold, dead fingers.

Can You Weigh Me Now? Weight Fluctuations Cause Stress

(This article was first published as Weight Fluctuations Cause Stress on Technorati.)

I almost gave upon this weight loss challenge this week. I weighed myself and almost tossed the scale shot-put like into the backyard. It showed an increase even though I ate carefully, exercised and avoided all the stuff I wanted to eat.

Hells bells, I even avoided smelling donuts (One can't be too careful, you know. No siree, Missy.) Still, the scale showed an increase. When I picked up the darn tootin' thing to toss, I set the scale down again but in a different location and tried again.

This time It showed a 1.2 pound weight loss. And just to be sure, I sort of acted like the "Can-you-year-me-now" guy in that Verizon commercial except I was holding a scale and saying, "You-can-weigh-me-now."

The same, exact weight loss showed in several locations, so I can only surmise that the initial freak-out occurred because I had set the scale a bit topsyturvy on the tile.

Weight fluctuation apparently is normal. The Internet is filled with reasons why. Blame salt, the weather, hormones--you name it; just Google it.

Still, I probably shouldn't have eaten that tasty cheeseburger and french fries in celebration today of the 1.2 pound loss. In penance, at least I walked 45 minutes and went to my fat yoga class for two hours.

My yoga instructor told me she bought me some Valentine's chocolate that said, "You're No. 1" since I was the first person to sign up when she opened  her studio almost two years ago.

But then she decided that bordered on being a diet saboteur, so she didn't bring it to give to me. Instead, we all had to do extra yoga crunches because she said she ate nachos for lunch. (Like we would notice, since she's the size of a tooth pick.)

Something tells me those yoga crunches had nothing to do with nachos and a lot to do with that chocolate I didn't get. I think I gained two pounds just thinking about it.

I wonder how much thoughts weigh?

Fitness Challenge Update: Weighing In on the Plus Size Controversy

[This article was first published as Weighing In on the Plus Size Controversy on Technorati.]

Like most weeks of this weight loss challenge, I struggled.

First I struggled with the idea that apparently a size 6 is now a plus-size. At least in the fashion world. Who knew?
According to the January issue of PLUS model magazine, the average plus-size model 10 years ago was between a size 12 and 18. Now, the magazine claims plus-size models are between a size 6 and 14.
And as if that wasn't crazy enough (and don't you think it ought to be), the magazine claims that 20 years ago,  the average fashion model weighed 8 percent less than the average woman, but today the average model weighs 23 percent less than the average woman.
So I figure if I were a model, I'd be a Super Model. And by "Super," I'm not talking Super in a good way. More like Super-duper size.
So while I was pondering all of that, my school district decided to start a Biggest Loser challenge where you pony up ten bucks to participate and then agree to trot your super-duper derriere down to the nurse's office for an official weigh in each Wednesday. Then, in April at the end of the contest, the person who has the highest percentage of weight loss wins and collects all that moola.

All that sounded fine and dandy, but still didn't do much to move me to participate. I'm just not much of a joiner. But, then when they said participants could wear blue jeans on Weigh-in Wednesdays, well, they almost had me there.

You see, I'd do a lot to wear blue jeans and not have to stand in my closet pondering what to wear. I most certainly would pony up the ten bucks, but then there was that thing of having to have the nurse weigh me in.

It was a difficult decision. So much so that while I was weighing my desire to wear blue jeans against my need for anonymity, I smooth missed the deadline and now must continue my weight loss thing solo. I was a smidge disappointed that I allowed my indecision to make my decision.

Just as I was disappointed when my own solitary weigh-in showed no movement on my scale. I seem to be stuck. I'm not gaining, but I'm not losing weight either. I have lost inches, though, and that put me in a size smaller pair of pants.

Which, of course, made me feel super, and this time by "super," I mean super in a super-duper good way.

Will Power and Outsourcing Self Control Key Factors in Keeping Diet Resolutions

(This article was first published as Will Power and Outsourcing Self Control Key Factors in Keeping Diet Resolutions on Technorati.)

Let's just say that my "Post-holiday, Back-on-the-Fat-No-More" bandwagon was rather disappointing.

OK, so it was more than rather disappointing. The  disappointment was epic. Epic because I did all the things I needed to do and was supposed to do. Things like watch calories, eat tee-tiny portions and exercise five times this week. I get tired just thinking about it.

I even went to that special Fat Yoga class I signed up for. OK, so maybe it's called something like "Yoga for Weight Loss and Weight Management," but since I'm not a big fan of euphemisms, I call it my "Fat Yoga" class to distinguish it from the other classes I attend like the "Hotter-than-the-Dickens Yoga"  (my Monday night hot yoga class,) or the "I'm-staring-at-my-toes-because-I-can't-do-that-pose Yoga" class (my Wednesday night Power Yoga class) or the "I've-fallen-and-can't-get-up yoga class" for the other Thursday night Power Yoga Plus class.

Jeepers.

Despite my best efforts, my weight remained unchanged this week, but my resolve to finish out this "Frying In My Own Fat" Weight Loss Challenge remains strong especially after reading this New York Times article.

According to the article, people fail to keep their New Year's resolutions (or any resolution for that matter) because they simply run out of willpower. Will Power apparently is a "real form of mental energy, powered by glucose in the bloodstream, which is used up as you exert self-control."

And, sadly, once Mr. Will Power is gone, well chaos ensues, and you fall off whatever fat-no-more bandwagon you were on and  become part of that 36 percent who break their resolutions by the end of January or that 56 percent who cave in by July.

The article gave a bunch of tips on how to stay the course. One was to outsource your self-control by holding yourself accountable to friends or publicly pre-committing to your resolution. (Sort of like what I've been doing here.) I've always said public humiliation is a great motivator. There are even APPs to help you with that.

So apparently I'm just going to have to try harder and watch my internal Will Power meter because I am not giving up on this fat-no-more thing.

No siree, Missy. I'm determined not to be a resolution failure statistic.

Maybe Week 2 of my Fat Yoga class will wring out a pound or two this upcoming week, and Mr. Will Power will remain strong.

How's that for a bit of outsourcing self-control? And I didn't have to go off-shore to do it either.

Weight Loss Challenge Update–Another Year, Another Ton of Food

[This article was first published as Another Year, Another Ton of Food on Technorati.}


Christmas break finally ended, and with it, my hiatus from "My Frying In My Own Fat" Weight Loss Challenge.

I suppressed an anxiety/panic attack and finally stepped on my scale that had been leaning against my closet wall mocking me.

On the count of three, can we all do the dance of joy?

No, I did not lose any weight. But I did not gain any either despite the holiday noshing which included such delightful and delicious things like cheese cake, apple pie, holiday chocolate, freshly baked rolls and second helpings. (I get giddy and dizzy just thinking about it).

Finally, I got it.

Finally, I realized that if I ate so much of this, I couldn't have any of that. Or, if I ate this, I better not touch that. Or, if I exercised here, I could eat that over there.
And since I finally had a  better understanding about portions, I knew what a normal plate should look like.

Notice, I said "normal plate," not "normal person" because I was somewhat shocked when I heard a radio report over my break that

the average woman weighs about 165 pounds.
In another news report, I also heard that the average American eats about a ton of food a year. Suddenly, those two slices of cheese cake don't seem so bad after all.
Unless of course, I start inching toward inhaling the national average of 2,700 calories a day.

All of that news was enough to make me fork over an extra $40 and sign up for a special 5-week yoga for weight loss and management class at my favorite yoga studio.

I was a bit disheartened when I discovered that there were actually some Skinny Minnies signed up for the class. And, we're not talking about regular Skinny Minnies, but those perfect Skinny Minnies who can actually do all those crazy yoga poses and always look fab-u-lous doing them while I'm either falling over or studying my toes.

Despite that little setback, Chris (my No. 1 favorite yoga instructor and studio owner) told us to come to the new class with an open mind and good attitude.

Oh, I'll come with an open mind all right.

And an attitude.

I just can't promise what kind of attitude that will be.

At this point, the yogis of the world are probably gasping and muttering mantras about letting go of judgements and competition.

Don't get me wrong, I'm willing to let go…just as soon as I let go of another 10 pounds.

Let the games begin!

Week 17--Treat Your Holiday Calories Like Your Credit Card

[This article was first published as Treat Holiday Calories Like Your Credit Card on Technorati.]

Not only did I manage to wear my "skinny" jeans again this week proving to the naysayers that it wasn't all some fluke, I also managed to shed another pound this week.

And that, my dears, was no small feat since during my ornament exchange with two of my BFFs, I left with not just some cute ornaments but a wide array of chocolate. And not just any chocolate, no siree, Missy, but my favorite chocolate from Hotel Chocolate. If I could check into the Hotel Chocolate, I don't know that I would ever come back out again.


Now my other BFF, Jennifer, fancies herself a Godiva girl. She has one of those frequent buyer cards. The Godiva people always ask me if I want to join and get my own card, so I can get my free piece of chocolate for those times my friend opts not to share with me.

Really? If I signed up, I might as well just roll a cot into their store. I don't think I would ever leave. 

It's that self-control thing I constantly wrestle with.

I also learned this week that I am not alone in my stinkin' thinkin' about chocolate. You see, anytime I have Hotel Chocolate in my pantry, I start trying to ration it out, but then I rationalize that I'm going to eat it all anyway so does it really matter if I divide up the calories throughout the week or just inhale all gazillion calories at one time and get it over with. Hmmmmm?

I learned  my yoga pal, Becky, thinks the same way (and I thought I was alone).
But sadly, apparently it does matter. According to Judith J. Wurtman, we need to approach the holidays, "Like putting charges on your credit card, you can decide that you are able to 'afford' the calories at the party, feast or open house, or you can choose to stop eating because you have already consumed more than your caloric limit. But don't fool yourself that if you decide not to notice how much you are eating and drinking, your scale won't notice either."

I'm pretty sure eating all that chocolate at once puts me over my measly caloric limit just like I'm fairly certain shopping at Neiman Marcus or Barneys will max out my credit card.
Another website provided a bit more hope for those in the gorging camp. Although most health folks claim we gain anywhere between three and seven pounds over the holidays, one site says it's more like one pound. One. As in Uno. Kind of like the one pound I lost.

But I'm thinking they don't have a pantry with a wide assortment of Hotel Chocolate or a Godiva frequent buyer card or my yoga pal's big bag of M&Ms.

I think the pound I lost would be found along with quite a few of his friends.

Week 16–Taking a Breather in Skinny Jeans

[This article was first published as Week 16–Taking a Breather in Skinny Jeans on Technorati.]

Bet some of you thought I abandoned this weight loss challenge with the holidays here.

No siree, Missy. I'm here for the long haul.

I did step on the scale and noticed no weight loss. I was prepared for that little bit of disappointment, though, because I wasn't exactly good this week. Still, I wasn't horribly bad either. Stuff like chocolate, a smidge of pie and some other assorted things sort of put me on Santa's bad dieter list.

I did have a monumental break-through. I (like most women) have "fat" clothes, "regular" clothes and "clothes I'll wear when I lose weight" or "skinny" clothes. In fact, tucked away in the back of the bottom drawer of my dresser was a shopping bag with a pair of blue jeans I purchased in March of 2009.  The bag still contained the receipt and the blue jeans still had the tags on them.

Those blue jeans never fit me. I bought them at an outlet store without trying them on because I purchased the same pair there a few months before and loved them. Silly me, I assumed they would fit exactly the same, but apparently there's quite a variation in sizing. I couldn't even zip up this pair, but since I couldn't return them, every few months when I was feeling hopeful,  I would open up the bag, take them out and try them on.

It became my regular shot of disappointment. I should have just tacked a wide load sign on my backside. 

But lately I've noticed my clothes are fitting rather looser, so I peaked into that bag again, took the blue jeans out and tried them on.

This time I zipped them up.

And, more importantly, I could even breathe.

Week 14–How Black Friday Put Me Back On Track

[This article was first published as Week 14–How Black Friday Put Me Back On Track on Technorati.]

Like most Americans, I allowed myself license to fall off the diet bandwagon and consumed mass quantities of food over Thanksgiving. 

And just like Turkey, Texas, I pretty much rejected any ideas of substituting tofu for my turkey. No siree, Missy. No tofu here.

And although I fell from grace on Thanksgiving, Black Friday provided a redemption of sorts, setting me back on the righteous diet track. Let me explain. 

Black Friday found me at the mall as a willing participant in helping with that  7 percent increase in spending over last year's post-turkey day shopping spree.

So there I was enticed into a Betsey Johnson store by a pink 40 percent off everything sign. Within minutes, I was standing with a few gift items in line behind a woman who was one and half times the size of me. 

She was bemoaning to the sales woman (who was probably 60 percent younger than me and 60 percent smaller than me) as to why designer Betsey Johnson didn't make clothes for "larger" sized women.

I wanted to say, "Oh, you mean FAT women," but I stopped myself and resisted the sudden urge to randomly poll shoppers asking, "Does anyone remotely think squeezing a plus-size woman into one of Betsey's dresses is a good idea? Anyone? Anyone at all?"

And that fellow shoppers didn't even begin to address the age factor. While I tend to agree you are only as old as you feel, I also believe that age does have certain limitations. While I would love to be able to fit into my daughter's clothes, I really don't think wearing them would be a good idea.

It was sort of like that moment a few weeks ago when my youngest daughter called to tell me that Modest Mouse was finally coming to Texas. And I said, "Oh, I wish I could go, but I guess I'm too old…"

Which was followed by a moment of silence instead of an invitation to the concert.

I get it. I really do. Sometimes I forget I'm part of that 50-plus set.

Which is why I will never see Modest Mouse or wear one of those funky, fabulous Betsey Johnson dresses. 

Still, the thought that one day I could fit into one of those funky, fabulous Betsey Johnson dresses if I stay the course on my Frying-In-My-Own-Fat Weight Loss Challenge put me right back on track.

Who knows, maybe I'll even actually buy one of those fabulously, funky Betsey Johnson dresses. You know, I could wear it around the house while belting out my repertoire of my favorite Modest Mouse tunes.

So Betsey, stay the course. Don't design for the larger crowd. Be my inspiration, and I promise I'll hop back on the scale next week a pound lighter and singing "Fire it up!"

And who knows, maybe next Black Friday I'll try on one of those funky, fabulous dresses. 

Week 13 Update: When Your Fat Fanny Becomes A National Security Issue

[This article was first published as Week 13–When Your Fat Fanny Becomes A National Security Issue on Technorati.]

I started up yoga again after a two and half week exercise hiatus caused by my sprained ankle.

Make no mistake though, the pain remains fairly unabated. I just figured I could exercise and have pain, or I could lounge on the couch and have pain.

I can't tell you how much I would have preferred the latter, but since I was having to adjust my food intake to compensate for my lack of mobility, my food options were resembling my shoe options--slim to none.

 So I opted to go back to yoga instead. As long as I stayed clear of those one legged poses and stuff like that dancer pose, I was fine. (OK, so maybe I never could do those twisty things, but at least I have an excuse now.)

Speaking of excuses,  I saw where  Congress decided to push a less than nutritional school lunch fare safeguarding pizza and french fries and allowing two tablespoons of tomato paste to continue to count as a vegetable.

Even some retired generals and admirals from a group called Mission: Readiness have weighed in, calling the lack of nutrition in school lunches a national security issue. Apparently one in four kids are  too fat to join the military.

“This is a tragedy for the country,” said retired four-star Air Force General Richard E. Hawley, who is a member of Mission: Readiness. “We are taking a step backward apparently in response to pressure from groups who see it in their interest to serve junk food in our schools.”

Hawley said America’s obesity epidemic is a threat to national security.

It's a good thing my age disqualifies me for military service. Otherwise, my fat fanny could be a national security issue, too. Because despite being another 1.4 pounds lighter this week, I'm still too fat for military service.

Slowly, but surely though, my weight is coming off, but I'm not eating pizza and french fries or counting tomato paste as a vegetable either.

Is Anyone Really Out There? Week 12 Update--There Ain't No Cheese With This Whine

[This article was first published as Week 12 Update–There Ain't No Cheese With This Whine on Technorati.]

Let's just hang it all out there today. This is an old-fashion, full-blown, 5-alarm whinefest, and I'm not talking about the red-stuff-in-a-crystal-glass-kind either. No siree, Missy.

And since I'm still trying to lose weight, there ain't gonna be any cheese with this whine either. 

When I decided to be Ninja teacher at the start of the school year and fly  under the radar who knew just how invisible I would become?

I figured that perhaps if I kept my big fat mouth shut I'd stay out of trouble, and, if my big fat mouth stayed shut most of the time, as an added bonus, I might lose some weight, too. Toss in the whole "I'm Frying In My Own Fat Weight Loss Challenge" thing, and I figured it was a win/win of sorts.

Instead, this Ninja thing forced me to wonder rather Pink Floyd-like "Is anyone really out there?"

I thought by blogging about my weight loss struggles, there might be a word or two of encouragement from others. I thought perhaps readers might even offer up a tip or two. Or Dr. Oz would offer up some help. OK, so maybe not Dr. Oz, but you get it.

Something.

Anything.

But in the past 13 weeks I have been at this and despite being retweeted by a fair number, I've received only one brief note of encouragement.

One.

As in uno.

As in one more than none.

Does that mean that people retweet with abandon, but never actually read the stuff they toss down the Internet?

Or perhaps it's this Ninja thing. See how invisible I have become? 

At least I managed to become a half pound more invisible this past week, bringing my total weight loss to 10 pounds. And yes, I realize that I probably could have lost that half a pound just by sneezing. And, yes, I worry about gaining weight over the holiday season.

But I have other, more pressing worries. I became even more disheartened this week. As I entered Week Two of being sidelined by my sprained ankle and unable to exercise, I still had people come up to me and ask how I injured myself. Questions from people, you know, who claimed to read these things.

Which, again makes me ponder, "Is anyone really out there?"

If you are, do you think that perhaps you could bring some cheese for this whine?

Frying In My Own Fat Weight Loss Challenge Update Week 11–New Calorie Counting App on the Horizon

[This article was first published as Week 11–New Calorie Counting App on the Horizon on Technorati.]

Unfortunately all of Week 11 of the Frying in My Own Fat Weight Loss Challenge was spent recuperating from what I now refer to as my "Mike Napoli World Series Incident."

Napoli, as you may recall, injured his ankle in Game 6 of the World Series. I injured my ankle after Game 6. The similarities of our lives pretty much stops there.
So this week left me sidelined with my foot propped up, a bag of ice and the new owner of one very unfashionable black boot. All of that meant, no exercise. No exercise translates into eating less. Eating less translates into grumpy.

And all of the above translates into no weight loss. But at least, there was no weight gain either.

With this extra couch potato time, I spent more time reading and searching for tips on losing weight or new stuff related to losing weight. It seems there's a new app on the horizon for counting calories called PlateMate.

Here's how it works: You put food on your plate. Take a photo of it and send it off for analysis.

According to articles which appeared in the Boston Globe and the New York Times,  "PlateMate uses a more complex crowd-sourcing tool, involving sets of individuals — getting small payments to analyze photos on a website — who analyze parts of the food photo, with some identifying the food and others estimating portion sizes. The trick is to have five individuals estimating portion sizes on each plate and then averaging those guesses."

Supposedly, all of this gives a fairly accurate count of calories. Of course, one dietitian who was interviewed pointed out, “You can look at a photo of a quiche and have no idea what’s really in it. Is it made with regular cheese or low-fat? Skim milk or whole milk? You’ll only be getting a guesstimate of calories.”

She's got a point. Still, I'm looking forward to PlateMate which is suppose to be available sometime this year.

I'd love to be able to try it, but in addition to being stuck with a sore ankle and an very unfashionable black boot, I am also stuck with a dumb phone until my phone carrier decides to give me an upgrade.

I bet Mike Napoli doesn't have that problem either.

Week 11–Let's blame the World Series for this dieting setback--The "Frying-In-My-Own-Fat" Weight-Loss Challenge Update

[This article was first published as Week 11–Let's Blame the World Series for this Dieting Setback on Technorati.]

I blame the World Series. Specifically Game 6.

It was bound to happen. A major setback for  the Texas Rangers in their World Series bid and for me in my Week 11 of this Frying-In-My-Own-Fat Weight-Loss Challenge.
In addition to a come-from-behind-win in extra innings by the Cardinals, Texas Ranger Mike Napoli also injured his ankle in Game Six. And in a twisted show of solidarity, my ankle took a turn for the worst shortly after 6 a.m. that following morning.
Game Six pretty much sealed and doomed the Rangers. The Rangers couldn't overcome that loss, and the Cardinals won the series in Game 7.

And for my Week 11, Game 6 doomed me as well. I really don't have much to show for weight loss. In fact, I don't believe I have any. I blame the sprain.

I wish I could say I was doing something fascinating or interesting when I received my injury. You know, something like sprinting after a dress code violator while on hall duty or tackling a test cheater. I wish I could say there was something Napoli-like about this thing.

But sadly, all I can say is that I inadvertently slid while walking on my driveway in the darkness of the morning and found myself prone and teary eyed and wondering if Napoli's sprain hurt as much as this.
Yes, my injury was more a classic rendition of "I've-fallen-and-can't-get up."

It's a good thing I had my cell phone on me because I had to use it to call my husband to come out of the house and help me get up and hobble back in. Otherwise, I'd still be crawling military-style toward my front door.

Sad, but true. So this ankle thing benched me from exercising for the remainder of Week 11 and pretty much for all of upcoming Week 12.

As if all of that wasn't bad enough, I read about a study conducted by a group of Australian researchers that concluded, "Obese people may regain weight after dieting due to hormonal changes, a University of Melbourne and Austin Health study has shown."

That triggered a bunch of headlines like this one… "Not your fault! Hormones linked to weight regain."

According to that article, "Any dieter knows that it's hard to keep off weight you've lost. Now a study finds that even a year after dieters shed a good chunk of weight quickly, their hormones were still insisting, "Eat! Eat! Eat!""

So you see, it's not my fault.

Blame it on those hormones.

Or the World Series.

Either way, I think I deserve a walk to home plate, and I'm not talking about the in-field kind either.

Pounds, Panera & the Godfather-- Week 10: Small weight loss bolstered by other breakthroughs

[This article was first published as Week 10–Small weight loss bolstered by other breakthroughs on Technorati.]

Now don't get all in a dither, but this week's weight loss was pretty paltry--only a half a pound.
A lesser person probably would have been epically discouraged, and I probably would have except I believe I've made some rather monumental breakthroughs–and not the kind involving clothing seams either.

For the first time in a very, very long time I went out for lunch and didn't eat everything on my plate. OK, so I ate my little piece of whole grain baguette (all 140 calories) that came with my Panera Pick Two order. But the rest--the salad and soup--I didn't. I just ate until I was full.
Confession time: I did purchase a very scrumptious looking 99 cent bakery item–The Double Fudge Brownie with Icing, though. (Now about this time a bunch of you skinny minnies are probably slapping yourselves upside your little tee tiny heads.)
But wait… I brought the treat home, checked on line  and discovered that tasty brownie weighed in at 470 calories, containing about as much as my lunch. So, instead of eating the entire thing, I cut off a small piece and saved the rest for my husband.
Now I realize all of that isn't the stuff that makes fodder for such shows as the Biggest Loser, but let's face it, Anna Kournikova, Dolvett Quince or Bob Harper aren't going to come knocking at my door to give me a thumbs up or yell encouragement as I battle myself in my own  weight loss challenge. I'm on my own here.
I knew it was going to be slow going especially since I am old(er). I read with interest an article entitled, "You can be a big 'Loser' at any age--here's how." Do we really need anyone to tell us the 50-plus blue team is at a disadvantage?
According to this article, those of us in our 40s and 50s need to load up on some omega-3 fatty acids for their "anti-inflammatory benefits" and "help with depression."
I don't think I need Bob Harper to tell me that my 99 cent double fudge brownie with icing doesn't contain any of those nifty omega-3 fatty acids.
And I'm fairly certain we probably need those nifty omega-3 fatty acids to  "help with the depression" which surely will ensue from either (1) not being able to eat that brownie or (2) the overwhelming guilt from eating that brownie.
I really don't know why I bother reading these fitness/weight loss articles. One of the suggestions was to reduce our calorie intake by 100 calories a day. OK, so that's reasonable.
But then there was this little suggestion: "If your family is having spaghetti and meatballs, have meatballs and spinach instead."
Spinach? Really?
All I could think of was how different Marlon Brando would have looked in the "Godfather" eating meatballs and spinach. And somehow that famous line wouldn't be so famous, if Clemenza had said, "Leave the gun and take the spinach."
I think the mere suggestion would have been enough for the Corleone family to go to the mattresses.